Monday, July 10

It’s Sis’ birthday Jim,

I imagine you and mom are celebrating and looking down with smiles.

I’m writing you from the new store that the natural foods grocer opened in October to replace their old one. It’s two stories and Lord knows how big. The poor staff has a lot of ground to cover. It’s exhausting even for the 20 year olds.

But it’s beautiful. So decadent. All the talk about living simply so others can simply live makes me laugh.

I’m up here in the cafeteria looking out on a state building that’s a lot less ugly than it used to be. They repainted it. But I’m in a good mood and there are trees to its’ left and a few trees behind it.

Usually I sit on the balcony but it’s really hot. After I leaned out and held the door open for ten seconds, I decided to stay inside.

The balcony is great and loud. It looks out on the freeway and three six story buildings on the other side.

It isn’t as bad as it sounds. Since I’m never on the freeway, I love to watch the cars going somewhere. I don’t expect to be travelling. Watching the freeway is a way to get a thrill.

And a laugh. I think I laugh because really – where is everybody going? Remember that time we were taking one of the new freeway 80’s on the peninsula and you said, “You can go anywhere, but there’s nowhere to go”?

So, I go into my ivory tower overlooking the freeway under the big sky, reading, writing, and wondering how much money people are spending to get to the mountains or whatever.

One time I was sitting out there and a young guy comes up and sits at a table. Then I look over and he’s taking kale or something out of a bag and starts eating it. I’m thinking, “This guy’s dedicated.”

I keep looking over as he keeps chewing his kale. Then a guy he didn’t know starts talking to him and he explains to the guy the ins and outs of leafy green vegetables.

I’m cracking up as I’m watching them, then the other guy leaves and I end up talking with the young man.

We had a nice chat, then shook hands. I thought wow, that makes my carrot sandwiches seem like kids’ stuff.

I think that was the only time I talked with anybody. He was the only person I’ve seen talk with somebody he hadn’t come in with.

The other day I was at a coffee shop that’s a dollar more per item than this place and other coffee shops. I like it because there are no homeless and because The New York Times is usually there for the customers.

Once in a while I talk with somebody just to try to acknowledge my and their humanness. One time a woman my age with her son asked me what I was reading. I told her, then explained to her for what seemed like a long time what it was about. The three of us talked for an hour and a half. Two weeks later she came up to say hi and bye. Pretty good, huh?

One of the things that bothers me about the world today is how unfemale it has become. It’s hard for me to describe or explain. There seems to be more women than men, except on the street. Offices are mostly female. Schools focus on inspiring girls not boys. Sex law and family law favors women. Churches have more female members and activists than male.

I always observe women at coffee shops who strike up a conversation with each other, talk ninety seconds, then go back to what they were doing. It seems very male. Nobody knows what to say man.

Everybody seems lost. It’s hard for me to explain. We are a very taut society. We were looser under patriarchy. Men and women had a place. Now men know their place and women are on the warpath to get everything their little hearts desire and to prove Nobody fucks with us.

Nobody … with us.That ‘s a great example of what I tell people when I say, “Women have adopted the worst characteristics of the male.”

That’s the best I can explain it Jim.

Happy sis’ birthday.

Love,

Dave

Copyright © 2021 by David Vaszko

Monday, July 3

Dear Jim,

I talked with dad this afternoon. He is stifled. He was in love with one of the other residents, but she had to move. He won’t be able to see her again.

It shocked me when he told me. It’s incredible. 95 years old and he is in love.

It hurts to listen to him. He says, “This too will pass.” I told him, “Yeah. But it doesn’t make it hurt less.” He appreciated that.

Hearing dad talk about love makes me embarrassed that I haven’t been in love in so long. It scares me.

There was a woman here a few years ago I liked, but I thought she was married. I always saw a guy her age leave what I always thought was her apartment. When I talked with her a couple of days before she moved, I realized she was single. I said to myself, “Oh no!” She looked at me as if to say, “You dumb shit.”

I tell myself to count my blessings, but that doesn’t make me less lonely. However, it does keep me from complaining. I want to complain less as I get older.

That’s a great thing about dad. He doesn’t complain. I remember when I tried dating through newspapers in 1990. Several of the women had ads that said they didn’t want the strong silent type. I was offended because dad is the strong silent type, and I try to be.

Women think because a man doesn’t say much, he isn’t in touch with his feelings. Dad’s very much in touch with his feelings. He used to tell me, “Always be honest with yourself.” Did he say that to you?

Dad has always counted his blessings. He often talks about how much he loved mom and what a great marriage they had, and how lucky he was to have her.

We were lucky having dad, and seeing the great marriage he and mom had.

I know you agree.

Take care,

Dave

Copyright © 2021 by David Vaszko