Man’s Best Friend

Knew a guy who didn’t really like dogs
but was lonesome. Something was
missing. So he bought one.

Gave it a great name – cut through the
crap. When girls asked what’s it called,
he’d say Nookie.

Passing the Dog Park

Never married.
No kids.
I refuse to get a pet to compensate for my lack of
courage to get a woman, my lack of wisdom
in not having children.
Every time I petted it I’d wish it was my wife.
Every time I came home and rough-housed
with it I’d wish it was my kid.
Every time it jumped on my bed, I’d wish there
was somebody to fuck.